Going Full Circle on Ski Trails and in our Lives

After a full week of cross-country ski training with her Bill Koch Team at Bretton Woods, my daughter and I finally had a full day to take a ski together. Lorenzo and Luca were downhill skiing so there was no one else to worry about. Just Valentina and I out to enjoy six inches of fluffy powder on some of the prettiest trails in NE.

After this wonderful day was over I realized that we had a transformational milestone in our skiing together, her personal and physical growth and our relationship.

As headed to the wax room to prep our skis, Valentina not only insisted on prepping her own skis but she decided to teach me a thing or two on the difference between the application of Toko and Swix wax. Swix you criss cross on, Toko you rub on. After years of her having no interest in waxing or taking care of her equipment, I smiled and mentally marked this milestone and said, "Thanks sweetie. Now lets ski!"  We checked the map and I asked her if she wanted to do a long ski around the perimeter of the Bretton Woods. In years past I would have not used the word "long", knowing that would have resulted in a visceral negative reaction but rather would have planned a much shorter ski and try to slyly lengthen the distance cleverly along the way by telling stories, thinking of games and diversions to keep her mentally and physically engaged. Today, for the first time, she simply said, “OK Mom and I am going to give you some coaching, OK?” “Absolutely” I replied thinking of the years I had tried to coach her, “Let’s go!” Milestone number one. My daughter is coaching me!

She sprinted off towards the “Perimeter Trail and on to “Esker” where she started observing my double poling, “You have to use your core more Mom.”  I smiled and said “OK I will honey” and we were off. We stopped on a bridge overlooking a river; she took out her camera and took a picture of ME. Now that’s a real switch I thought. Off to the Dark Forest Trail and then up to Clinton, a gorgeous rolling trail lined with beach and birch trees.  As she climbed gracefully and faster than I, I thought of the many years she would be behind me and I would use every coaxing, encouraging trick I knew only to patiently endure her adorable face in a whining cry bellowing, “How much longer?” or “I hate skiing” or “You always trick me into doing things you want Mom,” and I would wonder if I was indeed imposing cruel and unusual punishment on my small child.  Watching her fly up the hills, now demanding to stay in front of me, I guess it was worth the hour and miles invested.  Milestone number two: My daughter now flies on her own. Ah yes, the days are long but the years are short.

We took a right on the B&M trail, along straight, slightly downhill trail that is perfect for double poling. Since I love to go fast on this section, I got on her side and said, “Let’s race!” We double poled hard at exactly the same speed for several minutes until she started to pass me then she stopped and said, “OK. Stop this is weird.” Milestone number three: My daughter realizes that she can fly past her mother (and mom is not letting her).

We resume gently skiing downhill along the Bridle Path River Trail, we emerge into the open field with the Mt Washington Hotel in full view and my heart filled with joy and satisfaction over the 15 kilometer ski we completed in two hours. 

We take an hour break and the “old” needy Valentina returns by proclaiming she does not want to ski anymore, that she is hungry, tired and that her left foot hurts. She has her chili, I eat my PB&J. She begs for candy; I decline. We have looped back to a “mommy-make-me-happy” place that I recognize but do not bow down to, especially after having experienced the new and matured Valentina.

I head out skiing again. I ask Valentina to come; at first she declines, then she says she will do a short ski. We head out Coronary Hill and left on Wiley’s Way, a lovely trail that zig zags in and out of fields and through a dark forest to The Tunnel Trail where Valentina starts to whine that she is tired and wants to head back. I know she is perfectly fine and that perhaps she is getting bored of all this skiing and that she needs to play a game.  I gladly comply knowing that this will keep her engaged for many more kilometers.  She suggests that we play “I Spy” but after two rounds, she says that this might be hard when everything we spy are either trees or snow. We laugh and I suggest we play 20 questions and she says, “Great, I’ll start!”  The kilometers roll by as we try to guess what animal, plant or human the other one is thinking of.  She stumps me on Bob Hope. I give her hints and she guesses Polar Bear. I guess Frank Sinatra and Minnie Mouse. She stumps me on Paul Newman and the kilometers go by. I remind her that we have made it all the way around again. She says, “ I know, but I didn’t want to complain." Did I just hear that?   Milestone number four: She pushed herself, created a diversion and went along with her mother’s wishes all at the same time. Wow is this day really happening? 

We keep playing 20 questions until we realize that it is already 4:30, the lodge is closing and the rest of our family is waiting.  Valentina insists on leading even though she is now dragging mentally and physically.  Of course I let her and remind her that she in the past week she has skied over 100KM. “ I don’t care” she retorts in a sharp, sassy too familiar way. I smile knowing that in one day we have had a major transformation. Not only did we ski two long 15 KM loops but our rock solid mother-daughter team has gone full circle from child to young woman and back again many times over.  

I would love to hear your favorite mother daughter event or story on how playing outdoors brought you closer.  Please feel free to share you story here